I kno I kno... u guys have missed me! well wat can i say... HAHA im just playin! lol ne wayz nothing much has been going on here... just boring me...! Well i got to hang out w/ Sam and Fredy and Olga and Melissa and Ben and Nick and Kenny and Jenjen and Shelby and all of them sometime like last week... and it was FUN FUN FUN! after coming back from cold stone we dance to that Aerosmith song in the parking lot of Ben and Nick's house... all of us paired up lol and then john cut in and dance w/ Fredy hahah LAMO! it was hilarious! and i went to Fredy's parents wedding last saturday and me and Olga and Ashely and Mia and Fredy all crashed this one jweish party lmao... and we were dancing on the dance floor and everybody was looking at us like we we're crazy... AND WE WE'RE! lol sike jk Sam's bday is coming up and i can't wait... and then Kirsten's... my 2 bf's... my lovelys... my well those 2 lol! ne wayZ imma try updating later s0o peace lil homies!

"Live each day 1 quote at a time...
gaining new incite from each!"

I'm going to write down every time
You told me you loved me..
& with those 500 pages
I'm going to shove them down your throat
So you'll have enough
"I love yous" to tell the
next girl who thinks she's your world

She sits & cries painful tears fill her eyes
Silent screams & cries of pain
Arms full of cuts & scars of shame
Alone in this world a blade as a friend
To stop her pain to make it all end
She lies in her regret spills of blood drop
This is her way to make it all stop

she looks down at her arms..
all cut up & red each time
she looks at them, she sees
what used to be and wishes
she was dead -and as she
touches & looks at each scar
she remembers his game &
that near each scar made a
letter that spelled out his name
^y does that sound... all too familiar!

Inside my heart is breaking
Outside my makeup’s flaking
But my smile stays on ;;
The show must go on...

^ u never really kno how it feels til it ACTUALLY happens to u...

torn flesh and broken bones
Then you'll ask me what have I done
Tell me what havent you done if
guilty lips are not so innocent.

And the picture frames are facing down
I'm running from the truth
Distorted images of you
And you'll insist that you were right
When the facts show you were wrong
^this one reminds me of me and Fredy when we pretend fight on the phone
lol miss those...

So let's play doctor babe
We'll operate today
Incisions must be made
You could help solve this case
For me... - Senses Fail
^I LOVE THIS ONE!!!

<3Jack

idk wat to do ne more... i want him but when i do have him im not happy... maybe its me am i the one thats doing wrong and causing my own unhappiness? am i the one being picky and raising my standards too high? i guess im the reason cuz im ALWAYz the one to blame when there is a problem... when someone can't handle it or doesn't wanna deal w/ the blame... the blame it on me and i half to be strong to deal w/ the consquences... cuz im the one thats alwayz wrong... i hate it! i just wanna tear up my arm and let it bleed and be able to hide it but if i can't and pplz find out that i did it then ill just be proving their point in i can't handle things s0o i have to go away... well thats just gr8 CUZ I CAN HANDLE THINGS ON MY OWN!!! and i am fine alone... just don't wanna be alone forever and im glad my friends are there to help me and make things easier... just wish i would stop pushing them away all the time...

my family surely doesn't want me ne more... im getting kicked out and i should just leave but to where... i would have no where to go and if i did leave no one would care about me and i would just be walking endlessly wait for someting that will never happen happen... waiting for them to chase me and say "its not true... we want u and need u" never will happen... better off alone and by theirselves they don't need me messing things up... no one does ne more they alway have someone better to help them.... im never going to be the one that they want to help them first cuz i can't help.......... i suck and ill pay for it

well... its been a very eventful pass few days! wed. i went w/ Jenjen to Walmart and Koles and took lots of pics. On friday morning i snuck out of my house and walked all the way to Jenjen's house and we shaved infront of her house... her dad came back to drop off something when i walked up to their door and he was like "WAT R U DOING HERE?!?!" and i was like "um... i really needed to talk to Jenjen" and he goes... "0ok" lol. and then he left and we shaved and then watched this movie called "seven year itch" w/ Maryland Manroe which was a GOOD movie by the way! and then i went home at about 9 ish and slept from 11 - about 2 i think when i woke up i called Sam got into the shower and went to Sam's house.

we ate chinese and then Sam had to go to Cheerleading s0o Jessie came over to keep me company and she did my makeup and showed me the hair style that she wants when she gets it cut today. we were suppose to go to the movie but idk if i can go bcuz i think i have to go to David's unless i can come right home and leave... which prolly won't happen s0o they can see it w/out me... lol. sorry! and then Fredy came over out of nowhere w/ Sofia and Byran and Fredy came in while Sofia and her bf chilled outside in the car... well... ontop! lol and i felt bad when Fredy came bcuz for one i was osrt of mad at him and for 2 when he comes to Sam's house and no everybody has a bf w/ them... then i feel bad and it makes him look like a tag a long. i didn't like cuz everytime i went to talk to Sam he came over and would try to Kiss me or pull me away when i was talking and when i was lying w/ Jessie he did the same... and i DIDN'T like that at all. well ne wayz it was still fun... then we walked Jessie home and on the way me and Fredy walked Behind Sam and Jessie... and he kept bending me over when a car came and like humping me from behind.. it was FUCKING retarded... but yea! and then i went home and as soon as i walked in mi madre comes over and was like come here... and i was like "FUCK U! im NOT drunk" (i had makeup on cuz Jessie put it on and my hair look like shit cuz i was running around and all that and i didn't brush it and i looked like shit cuz i felt like shit) and she was like "let me smell u breath" and i was like w/e and i blew my breath and started to yell and walked away still yelling... thats not fucking right... im s0o angry w/ her... well ne wayz... that was my day...s and noun i have to create another one... s0o ill ttyl meaning i think i need a shower... lol!

H A P P Y  B I R T H D A Y  J E N N Y ! ! !

today was hm... interestin lol... i woke up at about 12:45 ish and got into the shower and then left for my oppointment w/ my doctor... lol! i had a pelvic exam done and it sort of hurt but not really and then after i was over... i wanted to get a HIV thingy done where they take blood and see if u have HIV... but i chickened out bcuz i am TERIFIED of needles... omg seriously!!! then we went to Safeway to fill a percription and yea... noun im home w/ NOTHING TO DO for the rest of the day except be bored all my fucking life and stay home and be depressed like i have been for like 2 weeks str8 noun! ARRGH! i hate it! and while i was in the dr. office... mi madre kept asking about my arm and all that and i was like "shut up and leave me ALONE!!!" and she was like "fine u don't have to talk ill just take action" (meaning shes gonna call a theripst) and i was like "w/e go right ahead, i won't stop u!" and yea... that was my day and thats my day for FOREVER... sorry alil depressed right noun... and um... sunday night to monday morning i was talking to Jen... and she sent me this icon that talked about pregnancy and it SCARED me s0o bad... and i started crying like CRAZY!!! it was not even funny... and i don't kno y! s0oi talked to Jen from 12 ish i think to 10am and it was fun and then i fell asleep at 11am to 3:30 ish and then had to wake up and go to Katie's house and then somewhere else... just can't member and that was my day...